I’ve only ever had one super-traumatic, over-the-top, terrible breakup in my life. It was my high school boyfriend, the one to which I lost my virginity, the one I took to prom. I’ve dated many guys since then, had relationships that lasted in excess of a year. Mostly I do the breaking up, though, making it slightly less dramatic for me.
But the high school boyfriend, he broke up with me a week and a half after I left for college, via AIM, a few days after I had been rushed to the hospital for the first time in my life with a blown-out knee. And then he started dating my best friend of 7 years, which was just flippin’ awesome.
I had actual, violent fantasies about the two of them. Very bloody dreams. I’ve never hated someone so completely and so without reservation in the entirety of my life. It takes a lot to make me angry, and given the opportunity, I shudder to think what I would have done to them. I’ve never experienced such rage.
Well, that was almost 5 years ago, and I’m since over it. They both apologized, separately, after (according to her) he broke up with her for HER friend (karma’s a bitch, non?) and I no longer get the spontaneous urge to stab either of them. (UPDATE: Apparently, he didn’t break up with her for her friend. They knew each other, but sadly, the story is not that good. Remember, kids: there’s always two sides to a story).
I don’t know how it started, but I’m now back in regular contact with the guy. We talk on instant messenger all the time, about stupid things. TV mostly. He has a serious girlfriend of almost 3 years, and I have an Aaron. There’s no interest in the other for either party. For some reason, after all this time and all those bad feelings, we’re friends. Without reservation and without secret hatred.
How can this BE? Doesn’t all the conventional wisdom say that we should both secretly want to fuck or kill (or both?) the other person, thus the motivation for our friendship? At least that’s what I always thought. But I don’t want to kill him OR fuck him, genuinely, and I like talking about American Gladiators with him.
We’re FUNCTIONAL. Isn’t that weird? Isn’t everyone supposed to be dysfunctional and tortured these days? Or was that just high school?
4 Comments
July 31, 2008 at 7:50 am
HAH! 100% raw, unfiltered, blinding hate…I love it! Apparently Amanda has a had a small taste of what it’s like to be Alex all the time. Pretty crazy, huh?
July 31, 2008 at 3:43 pm
whatever! i bet that guy super sucks!
August 5, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I linked you! – Annie
April 30, 2009 at 8:54 pm
i am a bit drunk,,its only 3 pm but sober enough to know…i think i just fell ass over teacups in love…